Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

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The heteronormative hunter/hunted dynamic helps no one; it’s only made masculinity more toxic and exacerbated male privilege, enabling men to keep treating women horribly. This doesn’t mean they are in any way didactic—they're always accessible, often funny, and, best of all, they leave the reader with the admonishment that ‘being kind doesn’t cost you a dime. While I agree that there should be much less shame when it comes to STIs, being careful is sensible and makes sense and I don't think we should be encouraging people to give up condoms. This quote right here is something I feel so strongly about, and I hope that others who read this book, who haven’t embraced their own gross sex goblin side, get a chance to see that there’s nothing to be ashamed or guilty over for engaging in what gets the loins goin’.

Instead, our answer as responsible queer folks with even the slightest bit of health education should be 'so let's prevent it from ever getting that bad'. But it’s no mere titillating freak show, this is experience as peer learning, a seriously oversharing account of how mistakes can lead to transformation, how trauma left to fester reasserts itself in damaging habits and how breakdown can be breakthrough. Zach wasn’t always the out-and-proud self-proclaimed “Boyslut” and outspoken activist for the non-monogamous bi community.

But labor conditions for sex workers are generally suboptimal, and to leave that unacknowledged and unaddressed strikes me as careless, as in uncaring. Our newest dildo, BI AMOR, celebrates bisexual pride in honor of Zachary Zane’s new book, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto. My only minor qualm is that I think it takes a pretty cavalier approach to STDs in one chapter but also that’s the author’s take and I don’t think it necessitates cancel culturing this book. And while he shares about having OCD and of course his long process of figuring out his sexuality (not just bisexual but "fraysexual" - which was a new term for me - which essentially means you like to have sex with strangers but not romantic partners, if I'm getting it correct? I thought the sections on normative male alexithymia -- the societal conditioning of men to suppress feelings and the problems this leads to with recognizing and labeling emotions, let alone expressing them -- were particularly interesting.

He sometimes imagined other people naked, too, and without an explanation as to why, a deep sense of shame pervaded these thoughts.So that gives you a flavor of what you're in for with this book, though tbh, there are far fewer descriptions of sexual encounters than you might assume. I like to think that I’m smart and charming and have a personality, and people hang out with me for more than my looks. From stories of play sessions with a neighbor at age six to the first explorations of Zane's bisexuality in college, as well as sex parties, orgies, and fun with butt plugs, Boyslut is reassuring and often painfully funny-and most potently, it is a testimony that we can all learn to live healthier lives unburdened by stigma. Through the lens of his own bisexuality and self-described sluttiness, Zane breaks down exactly how this shame negatively impacts our sex and relationships. Reading about Zane’s own sexual adventures is like getting invited to Sunday brunch by your wittiest, sluttiest, funniest friend and getting to listen to him recount his crazy weekend.

His emphatic discourses on erotic liberation, the misunderstood bisexual community, and overcoming sexual shame are credible and noteworthy. Do head on over to that after you’ve enjoyed this special podcast episode with a brilliant reading from Boyslut!

I followed Zachary Zane on Twitter before that platform imploded and he left it, and of all the bisexual voices I followed on there, his was the most explicitly sexual and outrageous, so of course I loved it. At the beginning I wasn’t sure what to expect from this book, but I must say in the end I really enjoyed it. Though I loved the entire book, telling people who struggle with their mental health that they shouldn’t burden their loved ones with it is just so wrong. I had no prior exposure to Zachary Zane, so I was a little surprised by the complete candor in this.