Daring To Take Up Space

Product Information

Taking up space means occupying physical or psychological territory assertively and confidently. You can do a few things to start taking up more space in your life. In a healthy relationship, what you exchange is balanced and not overly skewed one way. Thus, you shouldn’t always be the listener or supporter but also have room to ‘take’ other people’s support, listening, and time.

Sadly, this means you are more likely to be attracted to someone who controls and dominates you than to someone who truly respects you. For example, you may feel a sense of familiarity when someone makes decisions for you, even if you know that’s not right. In contrast, when someone respects your agency and wants you to make decisions for yourself, you feel anxious and would instead reject these relationships. Daydreaming, however awesome it is, is passive. It happens in your head. Learning to make dreams real is another matter, and I think it should be the work of your life. Everyone’s life, whatever their dream (unless their dream is to be an axe murderer or something.)

Why You May Have Difficulty Taking Up Space

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You may think this sounds overly ”transactional,” but in truth, all relationships are transactional in that they involve an exchange. In a romantic relationship, for example, each partner may provide the other emotional support, companionship, or more concrete things like money and sex. Taking up space” can be benign, beneficial, or toxic. For instance, it is natural for a leader or expert in a group to take up space, so they are heard and respected. At the same time, someone can take up space in a toxic way, such as always dominating conversations, excluding others, acting contemptuously, etc. When people take up more space than is necessary, they communicate that they are superior and that their needs are always more important than others. If you were parentified by vulnerable and needy parents, you might internalize the unconscious belief that you are loved not for who you are but for what you can do for others. This can bring a lifelong struggle for unconditional love and acceptance of yourself.People unable to take up space often experience heightened social anxiety because they find unstructured situations intimidating. When there is no clear objective or rules to a situation, they would not know what to say or do, and if they do not know how to please the other person, they would feel lost. Do you feel haunted by the need to be ‘productive’ at all times and feel terrible when you cannot work for any reason?

To learn to take up space, you must recognize your intrinsic value as a human being, regardless of what you can do or accomplish. Once you have a solid foundation and know you are inherently worthy, you can also accept love from others.

My Book Notes

Do you always try to shift the focus onto others when you are in a conversation or a group, to try and not talk about yourself?