The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent

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This deeply nuanced way to practice consent as an agreement brings integrity, responsibility, and empowerment into all human interactions. The last example can happen all too easily in life! Notice also that in the third example, it’s neither just for me, nor just for Sally, but for both of us. But without asking the question ‘Who is it for?’ we might not both realise this. And Sally’s response to my question will almost certainly depend on her assumptions about which of the above scenarios she thinks is happening.

Discuss individual preferences and differences in sexuality and pleasure with more confidence and ease. April 27 - May 3, 2024 - Sacred Intimacy Training, with the Body Electric School. Betty will be assisting, in person New Mexico Many folks have asked for a printable diagram, so here it is – but it’s still the experience that matters – when your hands get it, you get it.) The Wheel is also an embodied practice, which uses breath and awareness to help develop more noticing of our feelings and body sensations. The Wheel Of Consent allows you to understand the crucial part of any exchange: who it is for. It allows you to answer this key question:

How to play the 3-Minute Game

Awareness of the Wheel of Consent helps people avoid these kinds of misunderstandings, and lets people know that they have an equal right to occupy all of the four quadrants. It also emphasises that ongoing communication during intimacy is usually a good idea, and provides a really clear language for doing that. So we make a consensual agreement to stay another half hour, and this staying on is ‘for Sally’, because it’s what she wants to do, whereas is what I am willing to do. A question people often ask about the Wheel of Consent® is “But if we are having sex, shouldn’t it be for both of us? Why would it only be for one of us?” And they are right – it is important that if two people are sharing physical intimacy, it should be ‘for’ both of them, i.e. it is something they both really want to do. To print: 100% is best, but not necessary. This PDF includes some color, but is also fine in B&W. Bulgarian:

The Wheel of Consent® offers a deeply nuanced way to practice consent as an agreement that brings integrity, responsibility, and empowerment into human interaction, starting with touch and relationships, and further expanding our understanding of consent to social issues of equality and justice. to create the world we want to live in, where people are connected to self, others and the earth. Our Values Affinity Psychotherapy Training: https://affinity-psychotherapy-academy.com/advanced-diploma-in-contemporary-relationship-therapy/

The Wheel of Consent Online Workshop is for people who:

It distinguishes between the ‘doing’ aspect of an interaction - who is doing; and the ‘gift’ aspect - who it is for. This creates four dynamics or quadrants of experience, Giving, Receiving, Taking and Allowing. These dynamics occur all the time in human relating and are of particular importance when we interact physically. Notice that in the last example, it’s neither just for me, nor just for Sally, but for both of us. Even so, without asking the question ‘Who is it for?’ we might not both realise this. And Sally’s response to my question will probably depend on her assumptions about which of the above scenarios she thinks is happening. This has been a very short introduction to the Wheel of Consent®, which is about so much more than just saying ‘Yes’ or ‘No’. Rather, it is both a conceptual map, and a somatic experience, which can fundamentally change the way we experience and relate to ourselves, and each other, in all areas of our lives; from friends, to family, to work colleagues, to our most intimate relationships. Dr. Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent is a model of relating which brings greater clarity and authenticity to our relationships in all areas of life: with work colleagues, with friends and family, and in our most intimate relationships. Notice that the four quadrants consist of two matching pairs. If I am Giving, then you are Receiving, and vice versa. Meanwhile if you are Taking, then I am Allowing, and vice versa. To help familiarise yourself with the quadrants, you can also consider questions people might ask when they are sharing touch, and which quadrant it originates from. Here are a few examples:

I really want to go to the party, but I know my ex-partner will be there, which I feel anxious about, and I’d love Sally to come along with me for moral support (it’s for me). Consent is also not simply something which is simply 'granted' or 'revoked'. Rather, it is a process of mutually coming to agreement (or not) with others. The Wheel of Consent provides a clear and insightful map to support and shine a light on this process.The book is written in easy-to-read, and engaging language, with plenty of examples and practices to try for yourself. The real meaning of ‘Receiving’ and ‘Giving’ become clear – and they are not what you might think they are! You learn to tell them apart, learn when to use each of them, and come to appreciate and enjoy each of them. Dr. Betty Martin has adapted a simple exercise (from a game originally invented by Harry Faddis, which he called the ‘Three Minute Game’ ) in which we can practice having a direct physical experience of each of the Wheel of Consent’s quadrants in turn. This game helps many people really ‘get’ the quadrants at a deeper level than just having a conceptual understanding of them. However, the practice of sharing touch with others is not always possible or preferred, in which case there is still a great deal that can be learned through the conceptual understanding alone. Please only show up if you show no symptoms of cold (sore throat, cough, fever or congested/runny nose) One way of answering this question is to consider the example of the party, and specifically the third scenario, where it’s for both people. This is where Sally and I each want to go to the party, and feel we’ll enjoy it more if we go together. So far, so good. But suppose three hours later I’m ready to go home, and I ask Sally if she’s also ready to go, and share a taxi with me. Sally replies that she’d like to stay another half hour. In response, I say that although I’m ready to go, I’m willing to stay another half hour, as it makes sense to share a taxi together.