The Other Mother: A wickedly honest parenting tale for every kind of family

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Jen Brister’s writing is not only open and honest about her insecurities about being the ‘other’ mother but also about the insecurities and fears all parents can relate to. She delves deep into the struggles she and her partner have, particularly during pregnancy, childbirth and the early stages of bringing up the twins.

Once, when they were very small, I took our boys to a café. They were both crying and I was coping as best I could: changing their nappies on a chair and wrestling to pour expressed milk into a flask. A woman approached me. ‘Hi, I’m sorry, but my friends and I have been watching you for ages and I just wanted to say...’ she started. Oh God – what? I thought. ‘We think you’re a hero! We can’t imagine how much work twins must be.' Both self-employed, my partner and I were able to share the role of primary carer 50/50. We did this because it was important for me to be as involved as I could, but we’re also fortunate as a lesbian couple that there is no societal expectation as to which one of us should stay at home. I’m not saying that because we are two women, the way we share childcare is better... OK, I am. Brister was born in Kingston upon Thames, Greater London, in 1975 to an English father and a Spanish mother. She has three brothers. [2] Brister was raised as a Catholic [3] and went to all girls' Ursuline High School, Wimbledon. [4] She then went on to Richmond College. [5] Her Spanish-born mother is a frequent target of her comedy shows. [6] Stand-up career [ edit ]

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Despite her optimism about becoming a mother, Jen has to contend with being the “other one”, i.e. the non-biological mother of her children. She fears her twins not loving her as much as their biological mother and observes that she does not have the “glow” of a real mother like her partner. The descriptions of her eventual acceptance of this “otherness” makes the reader realise that temporary loss of identity is a confusion that everyone can sometimes have in life. Nevertheless, the book ends with temporary tranquillity in the characters’ motherhood. Motherhood is just an example of the mixed experiences life can bring, and you never know what comes next. I dreamed that I was Gary Barlow’s girlfriend and we were really happy, which was weird for two reasons: 1) because I’m a lesbian, and 2) because I always fancied Howard. The funniest meal I’ve ever eaten … The comedian Jen Brister talks about what it was like becoming a non-biological mum. She had twin boys with her partner Chloe four years ago after several rounds of IVF, and it was Chloe who gave birth. She talks about the reaction of friends and professionals, and what she felt like herself having babies in this way - experiences she has written about in her book The Other Mother. As you would expect from a comedian, Brister writes with wit and peppers her narrative with funny episodes. Her tone is honest and open, inviting the reader to empathise and engage with her and her situations. I particularly enjoyed the times when she wrote about being a non-biological parent - the careless assumptions of others, her feelings as she bonded with her sons, the way she viewed her partner as a mother - as these made the book original and heartwarming. In 2020 she was due to take her UK tour [19] of Under Privilege to the Machynlleth Comedy Festival at The Tabernacle, Machynlleth. [20]

Brister studied drama at Middlesex University, London, where, in the mid-1990s, she took a course in stand-up comedy, the only one of its kind at the time in the UK. Other famous graduates include Alan Carr, Dan Renton Skinner of the Dutch Elm Conservatoire and Shooting Stars, and Clare Warde of the Runaway Lovers. Brister's first gig was at the end of her third year at university in 1996, [7] at the King's Head in Crouch End, London. Comedian Jen Brister writes about her personal experience of motherhood from the time she and her partner Chloe decide to have children, through the birth of their twin sons and those early sleepless nights, up to the boys reaching four years old. She shares the highs and lows of that time, the expectations of others and also her own misguided expectations, and how what she has learned in that time has shaped her current perspective. In 2018, Brister took her sixth show Meaningless to the Edinburgh festival, where she had a sell-out run. This was the first show she had toured around the UK.Two of my own daughters are in a same set relationship and both are currently in the process of getting IVF treatment and this book has helped me understand what they will be facing. I may even let them borrow my copy of Jen's book!!! From the heartbreak of failed IVF and the often-uncomfortable realities of being pregnant with twins to the horrific truths about childbirth or in Chloe’s case caesarean sections, there is very little Jen Brister doesn’t cover in her account of becoming parents. This book is an account of Jens' and her partner Chloes' IVF journey, and the birth of their twin sons. It describes the difficulties same sex couples face when wanting to start their own family. It is a fab handbook for any other same set couples wanting to start a family, but it is also an incredibly funny read for anybody at all. And, Jen has undoubtedly helped those of us not in a same set relationship understand the difficulties and heartache that same sex couples do face when wishing for a family of their own. I really enjoyed this book. From the first few lines, everything about it is drenched in the love that Brister so obviously has for her family, which is beautiful. The way she writes highlights her love for them even when, at times, things are (quite literally) shitty, and you just can't underestimate how heartwarming and reassuring that is.

Stand up comedian Jen Brister’s first novel focuses on her experience of entering motherhood with her partner, Chloe. Once Jen and Chloe have agreed that they would like to start a family, they begin making the hundreds of decisions every parent-to-be faces, with a few extras thrown in for being a gay couple. One of these decisions was that Chloe would undergo fertility treatment, and when their twins are conceived, Jen finds herself launched into the role of ‘the other mother’. Not the birth mother, not the biological mother, not the adoptive mother, but something other. A brand new comedy short, “Past Caring” written by Jen and Rosie Jones will be aired on SKY TV later this year. From the perspective of someone who doesn't have children, I can't comment on the love between a parent (biological or not) and their offspring, but what I can say is that Brister talks about relationships and forming bonds with people, in general, in a very candid and accessible way that leaves you feeling less alone, whether you are dealing with nappies and NCT groups in your day to day life or not. The Other Mother deconstructs the romanticisation of motherhood, especially within a household that does not seem to fit into the mould of a “traditional family”. As a lesbian couple, Jen and Chloe go through the painful processes of sperm selection and IVF, only to transition to the ever more challenging process of parenting. This journey is filled with as many miseries as it is laughter. Throughout this book, the complexities of motherhood are explored in great detail with a captivating sense of humour (including cleaning babies’ nappies in public places!). The author made me vividly feel the “realness” of a life I was previously unsure about. I first saw her on one of the 'Live from the Appollo' shows. I was about to go out to work on a night shift and I ended up crying laughing, and I can't remember the last time I did that!!!In The Other Mother, Brister explores the process of becoming a mum when you’re not the mum who gave birth. This book explains a lot more about her life than I knew. Yes, she's a mother of, as it happens, twin sons (now around 4 or 5 years old), but the meaning of the title is that she's a lesbian in a committed relationship, whose girlfriend was the bio-carrier of the boys, so Brister has always seen herself as their 'other' mother. Jennifer Helen Brister (born 9 February 1975) is a British stand-up comedian, writer and actor from London. [1] Life and career [ edit ] Early life [ edit ] I never remember jokes. Saying that, my son told me a hilarious joke about a helicopter and some jelly … No, it’s gone.

Cutting Edge Of Comedy - competition review". Metro.co.uk. 12 August 2002. Archived from the original on 23 September 2012.The Other Mother is not only a hilariously funny and authentic read but it is also a new kind of parenting book which portrays the changing landscape of parenting. We should no longer expect every family to look the same, as Brister explains to her own children; some kids have a mum and dad, some have two mums, some have two dads, and some have just a mum or just a dad, and all of these families share some of the same problems of parenting. Matthews, Nammie (31 May 2018). "BN1 chats to… Jen Brister". bn1magazine.co.uk . Retrieved 28 May 2019. I can't begin to imagine how hard it must be to raise twins, regardless of any other hurdles or added complications that may come with anyone's personal situation, whether that be through IVF conception or prematurity or parental disagreements. Quite frankly, this book has given me a deeper appreciation for not only the parents that I work with but also of literally any parent that I see pushing a pram down the high street.