Collared: Lesbian Pet Play and Domination Collection

Product Information

Relentlessly sexual bonobos inevitably make an appearance, as do Japanese macaques, who have “consortship relationships” between females, although these only last until the females reproduce. There are male lions humping male lions (“He initiates what can only be described as mating,” says wildlife photographer Paul Goldstein, in a wonderfully “Accidental Partridge” moment) – although given that the pictures of it were captured in Kenya, where gay sex remains criminalised, it opens up a world of homophobia and hate speech that even extends to big cats. There is a gay bull, saved from slaughter by an online campaign, only to reveal that his tastes are not exclusively all-bull. And there are rams who prefer other rams, one of whom has his testicles described as “fine, spongy and healthy”, as the breeder gives them an exploratory squeeze. They don’t steal your stuff or crash the car. They don’t scream, holler, yell or throw your belongings out the window. What is it about lesbians and our pets? I don’t think I’ve ever found myself in a group of queer women where the conversation doesn’t turn to our dogs, or cats, or horses, or finches, or fish, or…. Well you get the idea. Females sometimes assume the dominant role when exhibiting courtship behaviors or engaging in breeding-like activity with other females, and males may assume submissive roles when engaging in such activities with other males. And the gender roles are equally flexible between same-sex couples. We’ve all been there – you’re at the park, or having a dinner party, and your dog starts humping someone else’s pup or one of your guests’ legs.

Our youngest two had rougher starts in life: Charlotte our 4-year-old Shepard/Cattle Dog mix was found living on the streets starving with a litter of puppies before a rescue saved her; and then the baby of the family, Thing, a semi-feral 11 month old kitten we found barely weaned in a snow bank last winter. Although all types of humans worship dogs, nobody knows the bond between a lesbian and her dog. Don’t believe me? Come over to my house and see for yourself.

Discover

Odd, given that it should be jolly and fun, this felt like a bit of a slog. The scenes of animals getting frisky felt as if they would never end. By contrast, the science was, with apologies to the rams, woolly and minimal. The moments of explanation, where scientists talked about their research, felt too short and too simple. I imagine that, in light of the horrible stories this documentary highlights – a dog given to a kill shelter because his owner caught him mating with another male dog; and the notion that the Kenyan lions are either “demon-possessed” or else have learned homosexual behaviour from human beings – there would be obvious value in exploring the bigotry of what the programme calls “traditional evolutionary theory” (that homosexuality has no purpose or evolutionary value). I’ve always had both cats and dogs in my home and, yes, they’ve always gotten along just fine. However, I haven’t known a lot of other lesbians who own both felines and canines. They usually fiercely support one and publicly criticize the other.

Beetles, fruit flies, several species of fish and a handful of lizards have all been documented having sex with other members of the same sex (though it is often termed pseudo copulatory behavior in such cases). Male frogs – who don’t technically engage in intercourse anyway – often grab anything that moves when it is time to get busy. Many male frog species have even evolved a “get off me!” call for just such occasions. In a recent research study from Prudential on the “LGBT Financial Experience,” pet care items were in the top five discretionary income expenditures for lesbians!Kids Are A Lot Why bring kids into the picture if your relationship is already flawless? I can’t speak for everyone but my relationship feels great without children. That feeling may change in the next five or ten years but for now, I feel fine without the stress of a child. Also, what if I give birth to a straight, white male? That’s terrifying! All jokes aside, kids are great but dogs are generally better. A dog will never be embarrassed or ashamed of having lesbian moms either. Dogs most likely understand the great privilege of being raised by powerful lesbian moms. Although I don’t know any child embarrassed of his/her lesbian moms, it could happen and that deeply scares me.

Homosexuality doesn’t even prevent your dog from successfully reproducing, if that is something you have planned. Veterinarians can collect sperm manually and inseminate females, just as doctors do for infertile human couples. It’s important to note that while these advances – which may not even involve actual intercourse – often provide sexual or physical gratification, dogs also engage in humping behaviors for a variety of other reasons. Some dogs hump things as a form of play, while others do so when they are anxious. Why Does My Dog Hump Other Dogs? Clearly, a whole lot of Americans love our pets, but I maintain there is something special about the relationship between a lesbian and her cat, or dog, or turtle…. For dogs, mounting can be done for a variety of reasons. While it can be sexual, dogshave their own social norms that are different than those of their human friends! Through different types of play and body language, dogs use non-verbal actions to communicate. Here are several reasons your dog may be humping other dogs: But these animals rarely form long-term bonds, and tend to have short relationships with their partners. It is only by considering animals that form long-term pair bonds that we can see reasonable analogies for humans. But once again, examples of homosexual behavior abound.

We don’t even understand human sexuality very well. Trying to understand the sexuality of our dogs is probably impossible. And even if it weren’t, there are better subjects for us to spend our time researching. Our dogs do not care what their sexual orientation is, and we should probably follow their lead. Dogs do what they want, when they want, and are presumably unconstrained by the internal conflicts that often plague humans. Sometimes their sexual advances even extend to other species, as countless cats, stuffed animals and human legs can attest. Is it the same for you? I know that my life wouldn’t be complete without pets, and I’m thrilled that every month here at Curve I’ll be bringing my love of animals, to all of you in this new web column!

A documentary about dogs and homosexuality, both of which are enjoyable topics of conversation, should be good, campy fun. I also enjoy ice-cream and curry, but it is better to keep some things separate. My Gay Dog and Other Animals (Channel 4) purports to be an examination of the science behind same-sex behaviour in the animal kingdom, but it is, essentially, the kind of segment that might have sustained 10 minutes on Eurotrash, stretched out over one long, hump-filled hour. Dogs live unconstrained by internal (or external, for that matter) conflicts about their sexuality. They like what they like – no big deal. The one exception (aside from humans) occurs right on Old Macdonald’s Farm. About 6% of male sheep court and breed other males , and refrain from breeding receptive females.

5. Dogs always want to go everywhere with their lesbian.

Lesbian pugs jostle for attention with frisky Italian greyhounds, male lions appear to “mate” in the Serengeti and, inevitably, bonobos are filmed doing, well, what bonobos do, this oddly assembled but ultimately rewarding documentary which asks: “If sex is purely to reproduce, why do so many animals engage in homosexual behaviour?” Insightful, but did we really have to endure so much footage of grim greyhound sex to get the answers? Mike Bradley D-Day 75: The World Remembers 6.30pm, BBC Two