I Thought It Was Just Me but It Isnt: Making the Journey from What Will People Think? to I Am Enough

Product Information

Brené Brown has written an insightful and informative study of a subject that leaves many women feeling trapped and powerless. Her analysis of how women are often caught in shame, is in itself liberating, and her thoughtful suggestions will help readers continue to free themselves from emotional debilitation in ways they may not even realize are possible. I Thought It Was Just Me can be a doorway to freedom and self-esteem for many, many readers.” In “I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t)” , bestselling author Brené Brown shows us the importance of our imperfections in building healthy relationships with others and with our own selves.

SHAME is the feeling you get when your expectations for yourself are unattainably high, and you feel like a failure because you know you will never reach them. In other words: it is not about fitting in with other people.. it is about accepting ourselves as the flawed but beautiful people we already are. Fundamentally, shame is what happens after the balloons have popped and everyone else has gone home. This author's focus on sociological perspectives does not work for me, personally, and I will take care to steer clear of anything written by 'sociologists' in the future. Her diatribe, early in this book, on being more empathetic and less judgmental seemed out of place, unnecessary, and insulting (was she shaming the shamers? Or shaming the people reading this book, already riddled with feelings of inadequacy, and already sensitive to the feelings of others? I have no idea). And from experience, sharing shame stories may be a great thing, but sometimes the sharer really needs a professional ear. No matter how well meaning we may be, we are not qualified to say or do the right things to encourage healing. Now, we need to underline that there are no universal causes of shame. Everyone connects the feeling with his or her own negative experiences from the past. Reacting to Shame I had everything planned and my daily Quora answers drafted and ready to go, but somehow, I didn’t feel like publishing them. I knew I wanted to quit publishing daily once the year was up and my gut seemed to tell me I shouldn’t wait. So I didn’t.The quest for perfection is exhausting and unrelenting. There is a constant barrage of social expectations that teach us that being imperfect is synonymous with being inadequate. Everywhere we turn, there are messages that tell us who, what and how we’re supposed to be. So, we learn to hide our struggles and protect ourselves from shame, judgment, criticism and blame by seeking safety in pretending and perfection. This is not a book that I could listen to in one sitting and some of the work takes time to reflect on.

On a more positive note, Brown writes everyone has experienced this at some point or another. She uses this universality of experience to issue a clarion call for change. To foster shame resilience, we should build networks of support and be kind to each other by showing our own vulnerability. We're all in this together.

What do critics say?

Researcher, thought leader, and New York Times bestselling author Brené Brown offers a liberating study on the importance of our imperfections--both to our relationships and to our own sense of self I wanted to love this book because I love Brene Brown. Her podcast interviews with Tammie Simon and Krista Tippett as well as her TED talks have inspired me, changed me and touched me deeply. I find her to be an incredibly inspiring and courageous woman and I believe her research on Shame and vulnerability and full hearted living are changing and healing the world. This book didn't make me feel less alone. It did make me realize, though, that to have true empathy with someone you need to realize you aren't there to fix or better them. You're there to listen, and hear what they are ashamed of, and help them with that. And recognize the same feelings (for whatever reasons you have) in yourself. You have to forget about judgment and be fully present in the moment, and aware of the other person’s words and emotions. Key Lessons from “I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t)”

Most of us feel empathy when we share some sort of painful experience with another person, and see that they get what we are talking about. I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) offers a liberating study on the importance of our imperfections—both to our relationships and to our own sense of self. The quest for perfection is exhausting and unrelenting. There is a constant barrage of social expectations that teach us that being imperfect is synonymous with being inadequate. Everywhere we turn, there are messages that tell us who, what and how we’re supposed to be. So, we learn to hide our struggles and protect ourselves from shame, judgment, criticism and blame by seeking safety in pretending and perfection. Summary Points & Takeaways from I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) Brown offers insights and strategies for understanding shame and overcoming its power over women… An interesting look at a debilitating emotion that stunts the potential of too many women.” Shame shows up everywhere from biggies like addiction and self-injury to perfectionism, anger, and blame. It affects everything from our physical health, self-image to our relationships and ability to feel a part of the community. Those relationships I mention include ones with people as well as money, work, friendships and everything else we relate to.

Brown has discovered another hurdle in her research- it can be difficult to speak about shame as words sometimes fail us when we experience visceral feelings. mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the This said, I've never met anyone who didn't experience shame at one time or another. I've met some people who seem to play life safely to avoid shame, but find it anyway. Shame is a deeply painful sensation that stems from the belief that we’re not good enough, and that this shortcoming will prevent us from being accepted by and belonging to a group. As I read this book, I felt a bit like I did when I read In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory and Women's Development in college. Both times, I kept thinking, "It's not just me. I'm not crazy." This book made me realize I am not the only woman - not by a long shot - who struggles with shame. And it made me thankful that at least I'm aware of this struggle within me, so that I can begin to recognize my shame triggers and work towards resilience.