He's Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe In Himself

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They give up, not because they are lazy but because they don’t have the skills and brain ‘executive functions’ yet to cope. This is a book for parents of teenage boys that aren’t in 100 AP classes, getting straight A’s, motivated to score 1500 on the SATs, or otherwise school uninterested. Learning to be independent is soooo important but many parents over control thereby stunting that natural growth. This book was great at giving perspective and creating empathy for the “opt outs”, which was refreshing. If you recognise this behaviour pattern in your child, then I would first of all encourage you to read ‘He’s Not Lazy’ for yourself, as it is accessible, sensible and practical, but I will try to summarise the key approaches to managing the situation here.

While a completely agree that we need to keep investigating gender differences both in brain biology, behavior and the like, and that such differences exist his approach was gross. I found this book to be an incredibly useful tool for me as I LEARNED how to navigate my flawed interpretation of my son's inaction.

He covers so much that I have heard over the years: executive functioning, growth mindset, gender differences, scaffolding, etc. As someone who is always looking for new evidence and creative thinking about young adults’ mental health and wellbeing, I have read a LOT of books about the teenage brain or raising kids. If you’re thinking “well he doesn’t seem very stressed by it, that’s half the problem”, he is probably blocking it all out and hoping it will go away. There are some really wonderful and wonderfully presented strategies that I will use with students and likely the 16yo in my house.

He’s Not Lazy will help you become your son’s ally, as he assumes greater self-confidence and becomes more self-reliant.Shame is one of the most powerful and negative emotions for teens and can lead to damage in your relationship if you shame him when he already feels overwhelmed and stressed. Boys may seem like they're impervious to school pressures and demands, but in fact they often fear failure so much that they simply opt out of academic competition altogether. Like many parents, I was shocked by recent revelations about sexual violence and harassment in UK schools.