In Control: Dangerous Relationships and How They End in Murder

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Such as the inability of the deceased to have a voice through their attorneys, coercive control in intimate relationships, chronic intimidation, inequalities in the sense of status and property, verbal threats.

She looks at the progress from the intensity of a new relationship, through coercive control and stalking, then (potentially) to murder or suicide. It describes how perpetrators establish and maintain control through fear and routines, some of which may seem innocuous. I'm certainly not saying that the relationships documented in the book are the norm, but their prevalence shocked me. I would like to have seem more about the work being done to stop the abuse but I guess that is for another book.

Recognition: Narcissistic unsympathetic, relationship is developing rapidly, seen as a promise to hand over the right to harm. It is insidious and damaging and all of us as a collective are responsible for ensuring we are doing our part in preventing it. The euphemism of someone who is always worried about angering potential lunatics is often seen as weak. Drawing on disciplines including psychology, sociology and law, she talks to victims, their families and killers, putting together pieces to the puzzle of how these relationships can end in murder and bringing to light the reasons why - for so many of us - there is no such thing as the safety of one's own home.

More socially confident controlling people may keep family members close so that they can be monitored and even used to help control the victim. And if I think you’re the type, my radar will be more finely tuned to other behaviours I have to look out for.I was fascinated to read that most displays of power, most fights over inconsequential and trivial things between men, most shows of anger, are for the benefit of other men, not women.

The book focuses on improving understanding of why victims behave in ways that can seem strange to the everyday person — why don’t they just leave? The process of escalation is examined in chapter five, with a focus on stalking based on fixation, obsession, unwanted contact and repeated behaviour. Having this knowledge will help you understand people, the ways control works and will help you be able to spot coercive or dangerous domestic situations, a skill you hopefully will never need, but is good to know nonetheless. Chapter six examines a change in thinking, which can help us to recognise signs of perpetrators planning to kill.My colleagues are now ploughing through this as well and they all agree that a tidal wave of change is coming based on our understanding of control from this work. I have recommended that my wife, 2 daughters and son (when older) all read this to both help safeguard themselves and identify any behaviour of their own that could be controlling. I work in the court system and am often frustrated with books that try to illustrate failings but I was impressed with this book. It helps that the book is immensely 'readable' although of course some of the content is horrifying.